just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
