do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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