If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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