what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
