the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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