2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
