I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
