I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
