if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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