Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
