Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
