Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
