And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
