he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
