Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I am one with the molecules
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
