At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
