Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
A+ Viking dick
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
