I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
How's work?
Spinning.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
