As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
