I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
