In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
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