I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
