she told me i tasted like america
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
