your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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