I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
