Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
