I got chris browned last night
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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