You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
