8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
