Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
