We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
