Nicole vs. Life
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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