So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Reggie can tackle my bush.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
