she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
