It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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