U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
