He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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