i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
