Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
