There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
