Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I puked a lego.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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