yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
