what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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