You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
