Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
