The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I have fence marks all over my body
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
