it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
there's paper in my vomit.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
