I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
