Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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