Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
